Seasonal Displays

I feel so lucky to have, what I consider, a perfect space for our seasonal centers. A large bay window, low enough for Tyler to climb and sit in, even when he was just a little bitty crawler, has been a lovely location. We have moved from a lifetime in Upstate NY (a place with definite seasons!) to a much more southern state this year, and I'm not sure how well what is seen outside will match some of the displays (snow?), but we'll certainly find out!

Our fall display consisted of many gourds that Tyler enjoyed looking at (and throwing!), a jack o' lantern full of pine cones found on a neighborhood walk, pumpkin and Halloween books, a small pumpkin, perfect for carrying around the house, an enlarged photograph of a fall scene that I took a few years ago, and fall leaves we collected and placed between wax paper (then ironed). Early in the fall, we cut open a small pumpkin to allow Tyler to discover what the insides are like. Tyler became quite obsessed with pumpkins and though we've recently taken down the autumn display, several items have found new homes around the house.

    The winter display replaced the autumn center on Thanksgiving, and has more of a Christmas feel to it for now. I'm sure that I'll be changing and adding to it within the next couple weeks, as I found I did with the autumn scene. For now, it includes a Christmas tree with toddler friendly ornaments for Tyler to practice removing, replacing, and arranging as he'd like. He is especially fond of the jingle bells, which he shakes furiously! I've placed Christmas and winter books in a basket. I found a small stocking which I'll be placing an item or two in soon for him to practice removing and replacing. Two Christmas-style boxes with lids to practice with also each hold a ceramic figure; Santa's workshop holds a Santa figure and the gold present box holds an angel. A miscellaneous box holds pine cones, several jingle bell ornaments (that were too small to hang by themselves for fear of choking) which I strung to serve as a sort of instrument, as well as a few long pieces of garland to play with. So far he's enjoying it very much, especially the tree!

Wouldn't you know the next morning, after a nearly 70 degree Thanksgiving Day, we woke to snow on the ground?! It was a lovely backdrop to the display before it melted soon after. Our cat Tomas sure seems to think so too!

Spooning puff balls

This activity is meant to help the child practice spooning skills. Ty self-feeds with a spoon, though often finds it faster to use his hand, so I thought he may find this activity useful and fun! The idea is to use the spoon to transfer puff balls from one container to the other. Tyler was so eager to get his hands activity as he watched me put it together, that I didn't even go to our "quiet room" with it. Thankfully his surrounding toys didn't distract him at all.

Unfortunately, Tyler became confused by the fact that I was using his spoon in the demonstration and seemed to think that the puff balls were for eating! I don't often have to tell him "no eat please" more than once, but he kept trying to stuff them in his mouth, so I removed the spoon. As with most Montessori activities, not all was lost. After a while, he enjoyed transferring all of the puff balls by hand from one bowl to the other. He then delighted in the softness of the puff balls and the fact that they were a little squishy. I then removed myself and watched as he spun the containers, bit them, and threw them, listening to the sounds they made of the floor. The most interesting part for me, and what I believe he got the most out of with this activity, was when he put one puff ball into the container and slowly tipped it to see how much tipping it would take for the puff ball to fall out.

He spent a good amount of time focused on this task, doing it over and over again. By the end, he was adding two puff balls. As always, I was amazed by his focus, one of the major goals we hope to develop with Montessori!  

 

After Tyler was finished, he didn't go far. I often find this a good time to expand upon the activity in some way. I decided to sit and sort the puff balls into piles by color as he watched. When I was finished, he walked over to look, and I named the colors for him several times as he listened intently. He sat on my lap to observe as I then sorted them by size, and after that, lined them up by color to count and see which lines were shortest and longest, talking about what I did aloud. I find that though he's not yet old enough to do much other than perhaps sort by color, he's very interested in the process, soaking it into his brain for later use.

This morning, he spotted this activity on top of one of his shelves and wished to play with it. I think this will stay out for a while, and perhaps I'll find a spoon that isn't so confusing for him soon.  :)

Thanks to Darla for this idea!

Drop off drama

If you're the parent of a young child, you play a huge role in how your child reacts to being left in someone else's care. Your child looks to you for clues on how to respond in various situations.

You've probably seen your child look at you after falling down to see how big a deal it is. If you react with fright, your child breaks into tears; if you say something like "Oops, you fell down." your child gets up and continues playing.

Similarly, when dropping your child off at somewhere like preschool, your child looks to you for how to respond. Recently, two-year-old Ben's parents were dropping him off at church school. Ben happily began playing with the cars.

Mom and Dad both asked Ben if he needed anything before they left. He continued playing. Dad asked "Do you want a hug?" Ben continued playing without responding. Dad asked again and then finally said "Well, Daddy needs a hug!" At that point Ben gave both his parents a hug and guess what? Ben was no longer feeling confident about being left behind!

Ben's folks had added drama to the drop off. He picked up on their discomfort with leaving him and now wanted to go with them! A short good-bye given in a matter-of-fact way would have worked better in this situation.

Let's begin...

First blog about my Mommyhood journey.

How intimidating.

Where to begin...?

I suppose an introduction will get me rolling and onto bigger things.

"The sunshine of my life" comes in the way of a bright, exuberant, funny, handsome, gloriously happy 15 month old boy who am am lucky enough to be a stay at home mother to. I'm not sure what was important in my life before he was here, but I do know that I am now happier and more fulfilled that I ever imagined I'd be. I wear smile lines around my lips with pride. I likely laugh more in one day than I did in a month's time before his birth. I've flung myself deep into Mommyhood and have done constant research and reading on how exactly I've wanted to do it, and how I don't. I have no other job, and like any other employment I've had since becoming an adult, I have given it incredible attention and effort. This is not to brag. Sometimes my intensity leaves me exhausted, in need of a break and more than not, anxious about a long list of things I need and wish to do. I don't know any other way of doing things. Changing this isn't anything I'm interested in either.

What I have decided is that I would breast feed exclusively, and when he decided to self-wean, despite my efforts to bring him back, I decided that I would pump 4-5x a day to provide him the only milk that he'll drink anyhow. After his GERD began to fade at one year, and he no longer required an incline for sleeping, I began co-sleeping, something I longed to do for months. I decided to follow Attachment Parenting. I read about Free Range parenting and it made sense. I could go on and on. 

Most importantly for my purposes here, when I read about the Montessori philosophy, a million beautiful bells went off in my head. Familiar bells, as I had been doing so much of the teachings already, and new bells that I knew would be able to guide me through so much of his childhood. This is not to say that I am 100% Montessori. Co-sleeping is something Maria Montessori would surely scold me for, but I also know what my child's emotional needs are and will always fulfill them. I have incorporated Waldorf, as I believe fantasy play is important, as well as music and art. I've begun to shun all electronic toys, taking out the batteries, and when this renders the toy useless, selling them to others. I contradict this as well, as there are a few passive toys that would be like snatching a lovie from an anxious toddler, so I've decided to let them stay. I have dreams of making my own wooden furniture and materials. I am in love with my home full of shelves and centers for toys that are easily accessible and a home that is 100% childproofed and free for my child to roam and explore without constantly hearing the word "no". I delight in a child who truly appreciates order, putting away, closing doors and cabinets, pushing in his chair, undressing, helping to sweep and rake...without prompting. Spying on him playing independently with his toys without interruption or distraction is fascinating. Watching him grow so happily into an independent child with the confidence that he can do things on his own because he knows that we believe in his capabilities and have the utmost respect for his needs, socially, emotionally, and intellectually, is incredibly rewarding. For me, Montessori is the beautiful answer. I luckily have a husband who is on board and open to listening to and learning everything that I have experienced and read. Finding a focus that fits the way Montessori does makes me and the household feel balanced, light and peaceful. 

This is the Mommy I am now. I am not afraid of evolving, changing and rearranging priorities as I read, grow, and as my child does the same. Whether this blog is updated several days a week, a few times a month, whether activities will always include photos (as I'm undecided about this as a distraction), and what will be shared in this place is unknown, but I hope that others will enjoy and maybe even find a new idea, as I so often have from others. Thanks for reading.

 .

Giving thanks for children

Last night my 18-year-old daughter arrived safely home from her college in Spokane. What a blessing! Given the blizzard conditions in Spokane and the snow in Seattle, I am so thankful to have her safely here!

My husband, our 14-year-old son and I dropped her off at college at the end of August and this is her first time back home. She's so happy to be home and we're so excited to have her back!

She was just beaming last night ... hugging, eating, laughing, playing cards ... looking around to see what has changed ... not much ... "it feels like I've never left". Being able to go home and fit right back in, it's a wonderful feeling.

"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses." ~Joyce Brothers

Happy, happy Thanksgiving!

Getting preschoolers to take a nap

You know your child needs a nap but instead of falling asleep he just keeps coming out of his room. Every time you put him back in his room he just comes out again in a couple minutes. What do you do?

One mom told me what worked with her son. She decided to give him five pennies when he went into his room to nap. If he came out of his room before naptime was done, he needed to give her one penny. After naptime, he could turn his pennies for jelly beans.

This simple idea motivated him to stay in his room during nap time and saved her a lot of arguing with her son!

"I don't have the time" or "It's not my priority"?

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by all the things you need to get done each day?  Children make a lot of demands on our time.  It can certainly be challenging to fit everything we'd like to do into our days.   Do you ever find yourself telling your kids that you don't have the time to do something?

What if instead you replied "It's not my priority."?  One mom explained the impact this change in thinking made for her.  She often found herself telling her preschooler that she didn't have the time to play with him right now.  When she tried substituting "it's not my priority", it made her realize that she sometimes had her priorities wrong! 

Great Parenting Stands the Test of Time

Some parenting ideas come and go like fads. Others stick around for decades. The ideas that last are those that work well in the long run to help parents with the challenging job of raising children.

The common foundation for many current parenting ideas is Alfred Adler’s (1870-1937) philosophy of treating each other with mutual respect. Parent education pioneers like Rudolf Dreikurs, Jane Nelsen and Adele Faber extended the Adlerian ideas into practical parenting tools.

Guess what year a child psychiatrist wrote the following: “The problems that our children present are increasing in frequency and intensity, and many parents do not know how to cope with them. They somehow realize that children cannot be treated as they were in the past; but they do not know what else to do.”

This statement appeared in Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs and Vicki Soltz’s book, Children the Challenge, written in 1964. That book is filled with practical ideas that form the basis for many current parenting programs. Their ideas include using encouragement, using natural and logical consequences, relying on action instead of words, avoiding power struggles and staying out of kids’ fights.

For example, they describe a few situations of siblings fighting where a parent tries to intervene with little success. They go on to explain “Whatever the reason behind the children’s fights, parents only make matters worse when they interfere, try to solve the quarrel, or separate the children. Whenever a parent interferes in a fight he is depriving children of the opportunity for learning how to resolve their own conflicts.” I can attest that staying out of my children’s fights worked like magic in decreasing their fighting!

Below are a few more examples of parenting ideas that have stood the test of time.

(read the rest of the article at Priceless Parenting)

You’re not my best friend anymore!

Words really can hurt and even preschoolers know how to wield the power of words. When young children are upset with another child, they may express their anger by saying things like “You’re not my best friend anymore!” or “You’re not invited to my birthday party!” Ouch!

These words are often spoken when children are at the end of their emotional rope. They are a way of communicating frustration or anger. Ideally, parents or teachers can intervene before kids reach their boiling point and start spewing threats. Children need help learning to express their feelings in more appropriate ways.

For example, if you notice children beginning to argue over a toy or how something should be done, you can state what you see. “I see there are two hungry dolls and only one highchair. I wonder how you can solve the problem so that both dolls get to eat.” Encourage the children to come up with a solution agreeable to both of them rather than just telling them what to do.

Eventually the children will learn to problem solve without your help. Then you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor!

Why did you do it?

If you ask your children a question like “Why did you do it?” they are likely to interpret it as an attack and respond defensively. The question implies that they acted without thinking or were inconsiderate. No wonder they get defensive!

When children’s behavior causes a problem, it’s better to help them figure out a solution rather than focus on defending their actions. Let’s pretend a child is coloring a picture and proceeds to do some coloring on the table instead of the paper. You could simply state “I see you’ve got some crayon marks on the table. Do you know how to clean that off?” With this type of question, you are guiding your child to finding a solution.

Asking children questions like “What were you thinking?” or “How could you do that?” encourages them to defend their behavior. When you can help them focus on finding a solution to the problem at hand, they learn to make amends for their mistakes instead of excuses for their behavior.

Kids and guns don't mix well

A recent story in the Seattle Times about a 4-year-old who accidentally shot his mother prompted this video.

Verbal judo

Verbal judo is a training program developed for police officers. What does this have to do with parenting? When I listed to Mike Manley, Verbal Judo instructor, speak to Ross Reynolds on National Public Radio, I realized the techniques he teaches are also good for parents.

On the radio program Manley emphasized the basics of using empathy and good listening skills when dealing with someone who is experiencing a problem. These are the same skills that work well when your children come to you with a problem!

He also discussed being in control of your own emotions so that you don’t add fuel to the fire. This is another skill I teach in my parenting classes.

Manley explained that they recommend officers ask somone to cooperate rather than commanding them. He gave some examples of commands and the unspoken message that goes along:

“Sit down!” Idiot is implied at the end of it.
“Stand over there.” Stupid is implied at the end of that command.
“Sir, could I ask you to stand over here.” Rather than saying “Hey, you, stand over there.”
To ask someone is much more courteous.

These Verbal Judo ideas are great for parents as well as officers!